Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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