Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
