I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's the barista slut.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
