in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize