This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
