so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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