he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
