I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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