Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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