You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
