You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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