Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
