do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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