is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
