ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
