I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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