um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
