How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
