Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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