I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
