:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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