I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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