allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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