someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize