just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
