Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
