Heybabeimwearingurpanties
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
