The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
