sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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