i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
