ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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