This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize