my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
not ubering you a puppy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
