I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
