When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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