Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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