A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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