dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
