dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
