Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
