Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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