What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
