I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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