i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
