he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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