No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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