some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just pee around me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
