First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
