I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
