Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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