Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
