Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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