sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
