I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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