I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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