Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
