He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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