Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
