Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
