last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
