i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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