party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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