i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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