Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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