the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
